A mother's (or father's) guilt

Here is something that has been on my mind recently that I've wanted to blog about because I think, I hope, I'm not the only one that feels this.... a mother's guilt.  Obviously, I'm speaking from my perspective but I also know that Justin feels it often too.  What am I talking about?  I'm talking about the feeling that I get when I don't get to spend enough time with my girls or Justin.  I'm off enjoying myself with friends instead of being home with family (this doesn't happen often!). I spent all day "with" my girls, but no real quality time, and then the next few days I'm off to work and they have to go to work and daycare.  The house is a disaster and I haven't had the opportunity, or frankly the desire, to clean it thoroughly.  I am feeling frustrated or "hormonal" and find myself being short with my girls and yelling way more than I should.  When I fix the same thing for breakfast and lunch every day I'm home with them (I'm a creature of habit and of convenience!).  I can't send them to the "best" schools or give them the most opportunities (like passes to the zoo!) because of our financial situation.  When my daughter has to ask me 4 times to do something with her or for her, because she's always hearing me say "in just a minute" followed often by me getting distracted and she has to ask me a 5th time for me to actually do it!  I know I need "me" time, but when I'm away I often find myself thinking of being home and what I wish I would have done differently yesterday.
I've discovered that this is obviously one of my many "insecurities" that the devil likes to play on.  I would imagine most mom's have at least some sort of this insecurity.  It has made me become aware of it and I try, often failing, but at least try to make my time with my girls matter.  Give up cleaning the house if my girls need my attention. Get off the computer if it's during a time that they need my interaction.  Learn to apologize when I am wrong and have been yelling when I should be more patient.  Color with my daughter even though her attention span drives me crazy.  Act like a goof in public if it means they will laugh and be more at ease (this one is tough!). 
I often find that the days that I work and am gone from my girls for 10+ hours, are the nights that I focus more on them.  I don't worry about house work or getting chores done, other than cooking dinner, but instead I just try to hang out with them.  I love hearing about their days and what they want to do that night.  I am SO completely thankful for my husband who has inforced our bedtime routine.  If nothing else, I know that the last moments before bed are going to be family time.  If it were left to me, I might let it slide, just because of the person I am.  But, Justin doesn't, and I am so grateful.  Every night we read our bedtime story and pray together as a family.  Morganne practices her memory verses and there is often a lot of goofing around and laughter that happens then too. 
I love my family and thank God for them nearly every minute of every day.  I pray that my girls' memories will be filled with "Mommy times" and not times "without". 


On a much lighter note!  We are headed out tomorrow to pair up with some friends for an "Amazing Race" to benefit Cystic Fibrosis.  Justin is way over due for a hair cut, so in honor of the outing Justin decided he wanted a Mohawk.  Here is the final result- to be shaved of course tomorrow evening!

(I don't know....I kinda like it!  Shhhh, don't tell him I said that!!!! :cD)

Enjoying the gorgeous SPRING weather!

 My goofy turtle!

 Love my beautiful girls!!!

Kaelynn turns 2 today!!!

Wow, has time flown by.  We see it in Morganne obviously, but it is so much more apparent in the changes between 0 and 2 years.  Today Kaelynn turns the mighty 2!!!  Kaelynn is our goofball.  She loves to be the center of attention and make people laugh.  She is much more independant, and always wanting to do what her older sister is doing "by myself!".  She loves to sing and dance and can talk your ear off just as much as  Morganne.  (We feel pity on the baby sitter sometimes! :cP)  She is quite coordinated and most likely will be our athlete and class clown.  She may take after my looks more, but she has definitely got her Daddy's personality.  She is a Mommy's girl and loves to cuddle- which I love!  She enjoys Veggie Tales, princess Ariel, swinging on the swingset, Jessie from Toy Story, playing with our animals, and wrestling with Daddy.  Oh, and boy does she love seeing her Nana and Grandad, and Grandma and Grandpa!

When I was pregnant with her, I worried that I would never be able to love another child as much as Morganne.  We are SO blessed with this second little girl and I can not imagine life without her.   

Morganne turns 4!!!

Yesterday, our beautiful princess turned 4 years old!!  We can't believe how fast the time has flown and how much she had grown and changed. She is starting to read words and loves to tell knock knock jokes (often ending with "something" banana! which even though we've heard them a thousand times, her laugh still makes us smile).  She is still quite timid, likes one on one play vs. group play and definitely does not like being the center of attention (much UN-like her sister).  Puzzles are one of her favorite past times and she has mastered 60 and 100+ piece puzzles in a matter of hours.  She is very creative andhas an active imagination.  She loves pizza, my chicken enchiladas, painting and coloring, books, Veggie Tales, dancing, wearing dresses, and anything Princess! 
We love this child so much and appreciate her individuality.  I can't believe she is 4!

For her birthday she wanted to wear a dress to church, and with Daddy's idea, she also wore a tiara the entire morning.  Thanks to Jesus, she is a princess, and one that we are SO incredibly thankful for!

Birthday dinner at Nana and Grandad's

 Her dessert of choice: Ice cream on a cone!!