This past week (or two) has been an incredible, emotional roller coaster. Frankly, it couldn't be over fast enough. I don't think I've cried this much in years. It started the week before Thanksgiving, with Justin's truck going into the shop. It was having trouble starting since the weather turned cold. The afternoon at work when Justin called to say that it was going to cost $1200-1700 to fix, I was sick to my stomach. In the end it cost us just under $2000, due to replacing the glow plugs, injectors, and alternator. We were blessed because we actually had the money, and because we still haven't sold the Dodge so we actually had a third vehicle to drive. However, that money was literally everything we had in savings. That money was meant for Christmas gifts, fixing our house to get it on the market, and appliances for the (hopeful) new house. It was our emergency fund, and then some. Justin and I are desperately trying to get out of debt, and with a meager income, it's a very slow process with many set backs. We did not want to add to our debt by financing these repairs. So, though disappointed, we were blessed that our emergency fund was available for such a time as this. Being set back like this, especially at this time of year was very tough. We focused on our blessings and were trying to stay positive, knowing that things could obviously be MUCH worse. We are very blessed.
Then our week took a turn for the worse. A test, a trial. The Monday after Thanksgiving, after having our truck back for less than a week, it once again had difficulty starting and blew anti-freeze everywhere while Justin was driving to work. It went back into the shop, with the expectation that it was somehow the mechanic's fault and obviously things weren't fixed and we weren't expecting to pay for their error. They came back and said that they could not find an error and frankly, blamed it on horrible coincidence. Justin's truck now had (hopefully) a cracked head gasket. It just sounded expensive when they said it. I think, I laughed. It was either laugh or cry at that point and I had been depressed enough about the first $2000. Finally they got us a number and they said best case scenario $2000-3000, or if we were interested they could put a whole new engine in for $6000 (which included new glow plugs, injectors, and alternator). ugggh.... Since we didn't have the money to begin with, we opted for the "cheapest" fix, hoping it was only a cracked head gasket. We toyed with trying to sell as is, but since we just bought the truck in July it would mean going way upside down in the loan and we just can't do that, especially when this truck fits our needs to well. Plus, it may have taken months for the right buyer to come along for that type of scenario. So, we were going to have to finance it. Strangely enough, I had a peace about it this time. Again, I think I laughed more, instead of cried. Just waiting for the next big thing to break down I guess. We have restricted our budget to absolute bare minimum. Frankly, that's all we have. No extras, at all. We had even resigned ourselves to no Christmas tree this year. We couldn't justify the $35+, when there were gifts to buy for family and the girls. God showed his faithfulness however, even in our wants, when our friends mentioned that we could have their old "pre-lit" tree that wasn't working any longer. I was thrilled. I spent about 2 hours the next morning "de-lighting" that tree so that we could then decorate it as we wanted. That night we got out the Christmas stuff, played music, danced, and decorated, and the girls had a great time. They don't care that our tree was a hand-me-down. We are very blessed.
Tuesday night of this week we had small group like normal, though that night we were going to help some of our group members prepare to move. Once the table had cleared and people were leaving the house, it remained just Kim and Dan and our family.
Kim then told us that someone(s) had stepped forward from our church family and was going to pay for our truck repair.
Someone(s) from our family, loves our family so very much, that they are willing to pay thousands of dollars to fix our truck?!?!? They love Christ so very much, that they wanted to show His love to our family. Talk about floored. Once again, I cried. And cried. So humbled, yet incredibly grateful, I didn't know what to say. I'd like to say this is the first time that we have needed financial help, but it's not. Every time, God has provided. Where I thought God would provide through a promotion, or winning the lottery (though we don't play, so that would be truly miraculous!), God provided through our friends and family. Sometimes I get stuck on the fact that Justin and I are striving so hard to get ahead and doing things "right", that I don't understand why God hasn't "blessed" us in that area yet. What am I missing?!?!? But, I truly have to be thankful that he has provided for our every need, every step along the way, even if it meant coming as a humbling gift. We have our health, and we are comfortable, which is far more than many around the world have. I searched the Bible for something close to what I was feeling and found Paul's words in Philippians, expressing his prayer request and thanks: "17 I don’t say this because I want a gift from you. Rather, I want you to receive a reward for your kindness. 18 At the moment I have all I need—and more!...19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. 20 Now all glory to God our Father forever and ever! Amen." Philippians 4:17-20 God is good, all the time. We are very blessed.
The week went on to get even more emotional for me. Wednesday night we met with a realtor to discuss trying to get our house on the market. We have a chance at a huge opportunity to get a new house at a discounted rate because it is being built by the local high school building trades class. We are emotionally invested in this project already as they have pretty much let us design it, even though we have no stock in it yet. I refuse however, to get our hopes up. We can get this house, IF our house sells. After our meeting with the realtor, we came to the sickening realization that because of the economy, and our financial situation, in order to sell our house, it will cost us approximately $5000-8000. And it needs to be sold by May. I was nearly depleted. How is this possible!?!? My Dad, however, is staying optimistic and is urging us to still try. We will be putting it on the market "by owner" to save on realty fees, and hope and pray! I guess we will wait and see.... needless to say it was a huge let down to our incredible news from the night before.
This week was only getting longer, and like I said, I'm glad it's over. On Thursday, I had a surgery patient die on my watch. I am the lone tech, with one receptionist, that covers the 2 hour lunch break. When I went to check on our surgery patient from that morning I found that she had a heart rate of 12 and was going agonal. She quickly arrested and stopped breathing. Thankfully, one of the other techs was eating her lunch in the doctor's office, so after I screamed for help, she came running and between the two of us we performed CPR on this dog for 25 minutes before a vet could get there, and then continued another 20 minutes before the DVM called her deceased. It was horrible. My body hurt the next day from the chest compressions and my mind was so numb that I could hardly configure easy drug calculations. This wasn't supposed to happen. I drove my entire way home seeing through tears.
I haven't cried this much in forever. It was such an emotional roller coaster. We are absolutely faithful that God will provide all our needs. I must say however, I have a hard time praying for much of anything anymore, knowing that His plan is what is important and obviously, my plan doesn't always align with His. That's not how it's supposed to be though, I know he loves hearing our prayers. Such a mental battle. We are so blessed with an incredible family both biological and in Christ. If you don't have a church family, you are missing a true gift.
Now for some pictures from the past few weeks:
Morganne was SO excited when it snowed a couple weeks ago. As soon as it started, she began talking about wearing her snow boots and getting outside to build a snowman. Unfortunately, it was too dry to build anything, but she sure had fun!
As a reminder of the things we are thankful for, we made a "count down to Christmas" chain. Each night before bed we remove one of the links and pray prayers of thankfulness for that blessing. From "glue" to "Jesus", it's been a great reminder for us. Morganne also wrote many of the words herself, which truly impressed me. I had no idea she could write as many letters as she did. She persisted until about day 20 when she said her "hand hurt" and couldn't continue. I didn't expect her to last that long! She is getting so big!
Our Christmas tree!
Merry CHRISTmas everyone!
